A Trip to the Wild West

I have just returned from a month-long language learning vacation to Munich, Germany. I enrolled in a German course there and spent one month living my dream, developing my language skills, and meeting great, new people.

I think that the experience changed me or influenced me in some way, and I am sorting all of that out now. It’s a big change to go from a conservative society,  with conservative dress, to a place where it’s okay to be naked in the park, which I saw on the first day that I arrived.

A German friend of mine said, “As Germans, I think we are one of the most emancipated and free populations.” When I spoke about my experience living in the Middle East, she commented on how “brave” I was. She said that she has been all over the world, but has bypassed visiting any Arab country because she feels that her most important value, her freedom as a woman to dress and act how she wants, would be compromised.

I find these conversations quite interesting. For me, I view the typical European as someone very open, educated, and globally minded. But, in many talks I found that these same people contradict themselves in a profound way. They seem to exclude Muslims and Arabs from their ideal society. They think that German lifestyle doesn’t fit with Arab lifestyle.  And, if an Arab wants any chance at living a happy, integrated life, they must change.

“I know we have an integration problem,” a friend of mine said. She continued, “But they [meaning immigrant men from the Middle East] come here and they are not used to the way we dress and live, and many times they insult girls walking on the street, which they probably would never do in their own countries,” she continued. “We have beautiful cities with historic skylines, and then they build a mosque and it ruins the outline of the city. It doesn’t fit.”

Europeans and Arabs feel strongly about preserving their own lifestyles, their identities. They feel pride in the way they do things, the clothing they wear, the activities they can or cannot participate in. Very few Germans would consider covering up and practicing a religion, and very few Arabs would consider the risk of not doing those things.

On my trip, I also heard the other side. I met many Arabs at German conversation circles, and I enjoyed hearing their stories. All of the Arabs that I met speak German very well and are happy with their new lives and opportunities. But, they also speak of their own countries….the food they miss, their mothers, the beautiful landscapes, the community, the traditions. These are all things that they cannot live without, but they seem to be managing anyway. They deserve a lot of respect for this.

I also feel this push and pull between this life and that now more than ever. I think it is because I had an amazing experience in Germany. It was especially great to see women surfing, sunbathing, and contributing to their societies, without the need to explain why. It is just who they are. And, it was a very freeing experience for me personally. I got to do things that I haven’t done in a long time– like feel the cool breeze on my neck, dance in a public places, ride a bicycle. These might seem like small things, but they are very taboo in the culture that I am currently living in.

Life is changing quickly for me now that I am back in the Gulf. My husband has returned to his country, Bahrain, after 7 years abroad in the United States. We’ve been living apart this year so that I could pursue my dream of working and traveling, and so that he could also work, and importantly; complete the green card process that we started 2 years ago.

I feel happy and nervous at the same time at his arrival. The past few days, my in-laws’ house has been full of visitors, wishing a warm welcome back after so many years away. It has been like Christmas every day with feasts, sweets, fruits, and bottomless glasses of tea. Visits are sometimes segregated, so men and women sit in separate rooms.  As a wife, these visits require a lot of patience, a lot of sitting, a lot of waiting for everyone to leave so that you can spend time with the person you miss so dearly.

This has given me time to think about my own values. The things I want to keep and the things I am willing to sacrifice.