Why every man needs a chaperone

It’s a slow week at work and lots of ideas are circling in my head. I am so happy to have space to write, read and think!

*By the way, please feel free to comment and share your opinions. 

Let me tell you, I can’t walk anywhere in my neighborhood in Dammam without getting stopped by at least one or maybe several cars. Or a car will drive by me very slowly and peculiarly as I am walking. With very few women driving, its obvious that these drivers are men. Sadly, this is not new for me or any woman anywhere. I remember walking to a  nearby supermarket near to my college in the US, only to be honked at, whistled at, and asked if I “wanted a ride” by strange men on my way home. I never walked again there.

In a country, Saudi Arabia,  where men are chaperoning women everywhere they go for their own “protection,” any woman walking without an escort is fare game. Don’t these men realize the danger is not in women but their own savage thoughts and behavior?

I deal with these encounters daily. I even wore the infamous “niqab” (a black face covering showing only your eyes) to avoid the attention. And guess what? It only made the situation worse. Maybe because I happen to be one of the billions on earth with blue eyes, which seemed to be valued here, and really stand out amidst the layers of black.

The same men who control their sisters or daughters are the ones cruising the streets, harassing the poor women who are out alone. I think that the situation in this culture is being dealt with in the wrong way. Women are taught to cover from head to toe to protect themselves from the gaze of men. And they even go so far as to say that women covering protects men from getting aroused. Why don’t we just give men blindfolds? Its their problem, not ours. But honestly, maybe covering does work to some extent here because men won’t abduct a woman here. In the US, they would and they do every day.

If men can’t control themselves around a woman who wears a black cloak covering everything but her eyes, maybe we should make them be chaperoned to each of their daily activities. Maybe we should chaperone them on their trips abroad and weekend visits to Bahrain, where many men go to party and cheat on their wives. That way, a woman can correct them with each incorrect gaze, stop them when they want to harass a girl walking along the street, and teach them that women are more than just objects of lust.

Many women here value their clothing and it helps them in many spiritual ways. But others hate the whole concept and do everything to convince their families to let them at least show their faces. Trust me, it’s hard to breath in with the veil over your mouth! A woman’s clothing is her choice, bikini to burqa. And that has nothing to do with a man, even your father. If we begin to show them that they can’t control what’s on the outside, maybe we can begin to make more internal progress to change the system of dominance, control, one-sidedness and favoritism of men.

I have a big f**** you to the next person who stops me on the street. And I don’t recall ever using that phrase in my life…

As a final thought, you know why men try to change women rather than dealing with their own irresponsible behavior? Because men don’t like to change, especially in this area of the world. Admitting your guilt somehow compromises your authority, your pride, your power as men. It’s okay if that’s what it means to be a man. I have heard of men destroying their relationships and many things good in their lives just because they can’t admit they are wrong. But, down the road this will no longer happen at the destruction of women. And more and more men will see themselves alone playing PlayStation while women are out building successful careers and leading us into the future.

So the next time you find your husband eying a woman in a tight skirt at the supermarket, don’t shrug it off. “Oh, he is just being a man,” many women would say. Some would even blame the other woman for her choice in clothing, like its her fault! Rather, teach him that a woman is not an expensive watch or a plate of fried chicken. You can’t buy and sell her. You can’t even comprehend the complexity and beauty of her mind.